Sunday

Today is the last day of the 2009-10 Premier League season. At 4pm, every team will be playing - but, as ever on the final day, there's only one or two games that actually matter. If Chelsea beat Wigan, they win the league for the first time since 2006 - ending Man Utd's run of titles and denying them the opportunity to take Liverpool's all-time league title record away from them. If Chelsea fail to beat Wigan and Manchester United beat Stoke, United win the league. Both teams are at home - and both are likely to win. Needless to say, I'm nervous about the Wigan game. This morning, they feel just like the sort of team who will pop up and make it 1-1 in the final minutes. They have, after all, beaten Chelsea 3-1 in the reverse fixture this season.

But before all that, it's time to go elephant hunting. As part of a major outdoor art project, hundreds of decorated fibreglass elephants have been dotted around London - each with a different pattern by a different artist, and all in the name of elephant conservation in Asia. Having checked the handy online map and checklist, we head into town to see how many we can spot. We walk first to Trafalgar Square where there are a few dotted around in between the square and Whitehall, then up to Leicester Square which has an elephant on each corner. We walk up through Piccadilly Circus and down Piccadilly to Green Park, where we sit and have lunch - having stumbled across a huge number of elephants. There are three or four separate 'herds' here, each with children clambering all over them and having photographs taken. We end up walking up to Hyde Park having seen around 40-50 elephants - all in all a nice bit of public art and a good excuse for a walk around the city.

It's all killing time though, really, and we get home in time for the 4pm kick off. In the event, I needn't have worried. Chelsea are a goal up after 8 minutes through Nicolas Anelka and win a penalty after 20-odd to allow Lampard to make it 2-0. By this point, even though United are also 2-0 up at Old Trafford, the chances of a Wigan comeback are very slim - especially since they lost a player for the penalty.

Cut to the final whistle and Chelsea have won, by a staggering 8 goals to nil - their biggest ever Premier League win, taking the goal tally for the season to 103 (also a record) and Drogba delivering a hat-trick to secure his Golden Boot for the season. And, of course, ensuring that Chelsea are champions.

Not being in the pub or having been drinking, I'm not really sure what to do with myself. I settle on having a couple of beers and phoning up Dad to gloat (he's a United fan) - and watching the scenes from Old Trafford I am reminded of one beautiful fact: there is nothing, nothing better than thousands of sad Man United fans. Thousands of happy Chelsea fans is good too, obviously.